Fiercely Entangled Souls
by Rurouni KJS
Summary: Ever wondered why certain characters always duel each other in Stage 7? Discover the outrageous truth in this parody series based on the original Dreamcast version of Soul Calibur.
1. Default Chapter

"Now, two souls are fiercely entangled..." -- the announcer, Stage 7 from the original arcade version of Soul Calibur.  
  
  
Fiercely Entangled Souls: the true stories behind the sub-boss battles in Soul Calibur  
by Rurouni KJS  
  
Ever wondered why certain characters always duel each other in Stage 7? Discover the outrageous truth in this series.  
  
Each story is self-contained (for example, Sophitia vs. Nightmare story has no relation to the Nightmare vs. Sophitia story), but a few running gags appear throughout. To those who read the original versions at www.guardimpact.com, minor text corrections and changes have been made, as well as author notes explaining some of my motivations and inspirations.  
  
The default characters are in alphabetical order. Then, the time-release/unlockable characters are shown in order of release. Finally, some of the characters' sub-bosses change as new characters become available - these are called "Next chapters."  
  
The series is rated PG-13 for mild language, mild violence and some *very* bawdy humor that may not be appropriate for the under-13 set (and maybe not some of you older ones). Most are pretty clean, though.  
  
Okay! Click on the chapters to learn the sordid motivations and strange occurrences in these fierce entanglements! 


	2. Astaroth

ASTAROTH  
  
After many grueling battles, Astaroth confronted Maxi.  
  
The enemies stood in the raised ring. Astaroth was half-turned away and spoke without looking at Maxi.  
  
"At last, I've found you again," the huge monster said with a voice that rumbled like an earthquake. "And I will have my vengeance."  
  
"YOUR vengeance?" Maxi said incredulously. "What are you talking about? I'm the one who has vengeance issues with you, not the other way around."  
  
"You're so wrong!" Astaroth yelled. "You don't know the pain you've put me through!"  
  
Now Maxi was really confused. "Okay, this I GOTTA hear. Aside from a crack on the noggin with my 'chucks, how did I EVER cause a demon like you pain?"  
  
"It started three years ago," Asta began. "Although I seem great in age, I am only that age -- three years. Thus I had much to learn about life in this world.  
  
"One great mystery was girls. I found them attractive in a strange way. (Something about their screams really appeals to me. And even though there's less bone and meat to them, they seem able to take more torture before finally passing out or dying. But I digress.) Anyhow, I needed to learn how to attract more of them. So I turned to you."  
  
Maxi dumbly dropped his nunchaku. "Ehhhhh?!? Me?"  
  
"Did you or did you not once publish a scroll called 'The Dandy Daily Digest?'" Astaroth challenged.  
  
"Errrr..." Maxi said, "...I'd hoped nobody actually read that. I only did two issues of it..."  
  
Astaroth lifted his head and turned it to fix his balefully blank eyes upon Maxi. "In it, you had an article called 'Tips on Getting Chicks Without Pillaging.' And one of the biggest tips, right after '#1: Always Look Dandy,' was '#2: Chicks Dig Scars.'"  
  
Astaroth now turned to face Maxi fully. "Look, Maxi! Look what your advice has done to me!" Astaroth jabbed his huge thumb at a massively swollen 16- centimeter wound in the center of his chest. "CHICKS DO NOT DIG THIS!"  
  
"Great roiling waves!" Maxi said with a terrible grimace. "Did you do that to yourself?"  
  
"Never mind that!" Asta said. "It's YOUR fault! It was YOUR bad advice! And since lawsuits haven't been invented yet, I require your life! YOUR SOUL IS M I N E !!!  
  
Maxi wasn't sure which was worse; losing his life and soul to this demon who killed his old crew or living on with the knowledge that the same probably made up the entire readership of "The Dandy Daily Digest." It sure was tough being dandy.  
  
(Author's Note: Of all the confrontations, this was one of the most baffling. There was nothing in Astaroth's profile or history that would lead him to have Maxi as his sub-boss. So I had to look elsewhere for a motivation. Maxi's catchcopy, "Dandy of the High Seas," proved to be a great inspiration. ) 


	3. Ivy

IVY  
  
After many grueling battles, Ivy ran into Taki at last.  
  
The two women sized each other up, each disliking the other after mere seconds of evaluation.  
  
"I'd heard rumors of a leather-wearing woman warrior questing for the evil sword," Taki said. "I must say your tale has grown in the telling."  
  
"Just what is that supposed to mean, ninja?" Ivy bristled.  
  
"Oh, nothing, really," Taki said dismissively. "Only that standards for female fighters have fallen somewhat since these Soul battles began."  
  
"OH?" Ivy huffed. "And how do you figure that?" Taki sighed and crossed her arms in a show of forced patience, as if explaining something to a small child.  
  
"You're going to make me come right out and say it, aren't you?" she said, exhaling again through her thin mask. "Look at yourself. You obviously lack even basic modesty and class, especially for one supposedly noble-born."  
  
This really made Ivy mad, for Taki had hit a nerve. Ivy knew she wasn't really of noble blood, and the thought gnawed at her sometimes. She managed to retain her composure before retorting.  
  
"If I lack modesty, then what does that say of you, you whose cleavage I've heard juggles like a court jester's act?"  
  
Taki didn't miss a beat. "That *was* a problem in the past. But as you can now see--" she said, doing a pair of high, acrobatic flips, "--I have acquired much better support without sacrificing comfort. Or shape, I might add." Taki chuckled, then continued when Ivy seemed at a loss for words (her zippy comeback having been shot down easily).  
  
"I notice you've removed your body stocking, revealing more flesh than ever. Truly shameful."  
  
"That thing got disgusting with sweat in battle," Ivy grumbled, "and it's not like it ever really concealed anything. Kind of like your nearly transparent outfit. Explain that!"  
  
"This uniform is intended to distract the male demons by displaying my, *ahem*, flawless figure," Taki said. "No need for jealousy, dear." She chuckled again.  
  
"Me, jealous?" Ivy scoffed. "I'll have you know that I am the desire of fanboys from your homeland to the New World. Why do you think I would be jealous of your yellow-skinned self?!?"  
  
"I *think* you protest too loudly," Taki said. "You can't fool me. That tight leather, your push-up corset and every cinched strap is designed to hide your flaws, restrain your cellulite and accentuate your few positives." Ivy couldn't believe what she was hearing.  
  
"I'M hiding? YOU'RE wearing a MASK!" she raged.  
  
"Some masks are honest and true, as paradoxical as that may sound. This is merely a piece of cloth to aid me in demon hunting," Taki said calmly as she pulled the half-mask down from her face. "Your mask consists of caked- on, overlayered make-up and deceives yourself as much as others."  
  
This was the final straw. The time for talk was abruptly over. Ivy drew her enchanted sword, screaming, "I'll tear you to pieces!"  
  
Taki sighed, replacing her mask. "You just can't take a little constructive criticism, can you?"  
  
(Author's Note: I was a fan and hardcore player of the arcade version of Soul Calibur for almost 3 years before I ever got the Dreamcast version, so differences between the versions really stood out to me. One was Ivy's costume change; in the U.S. version, she had a purple stocking covering any exposed flesh. The other big change: in the arcade version, Taki had a much bouncier bustline than in the home version.) 


	4. Kilik

KILIK  
  
After many grueling battles, Kilik faced Nightmare.  
  
"At last we meet," Nightmare said, his baritone voice rumbling.  
  
"Yes," Kilik replied. "And at last we shall settle things."  
  
Both warriors concentrated, building their power for the confrontation to come; Kilik holding his Kali-Yuga horizontally and Nightmare bowing his head to his vertical Soul Edge. Then, Kilik struck.  
  
"I'm 19 years old! I have the flame of youth!" he said.  
  
"Heh heh heh," Nightmare chuckled, "I, too, am a mere 19 years, but I bear the memories and unparalleled experiences of my sword."  
  
"Well, I am the latest successor in a line of rod wielders that spawns -- I mean, spans -- countless generations," Kilik retorted. "Plus, I'm bare- chested."  
  
Nightmare responded simply by amazingly detaching a latch on his armor plating with his monstrous right hand. The top portion of his armor clattered to the ring floor, leaving his torso bare.  
  
"And I, too," he said simply.  
  
"I...I am tormented by dark spirits, giving me an attractive brooding quality," Kilik said.  
  
"*I* am tormented by spirits *and* a dark past, giving me an attractive element of power and danger," Nightmare answered.  
  
"My weapon is possessed as well and only I can wield it."  
  
"My weapon is not possessed. It *possesses.*"  
  
"I-I have a SCAR!" Kilik said desperately, pointing at his left cheek.  
  
Nightmare simply lifted the visor on his helm for a moment. Even though Nightmare's face was still half-shadowed by the rest of the helm, Kilik could clearly see a long scar over Nightmare's right eye and cheek. The dark knight grinned wickedly and slammed his visor back in place.  
  
While Nightmare was clearly engorged with confidence, Kilik felt limp. He'd thought he could rise to the occasion, but his words and deeds were being rendered utterly impotent at every turn by this huge foe in armor before him.  
  
Master, he thought, thinking of the mysterious teacher who'd trained him the past 3 years. What should I do--? Then Kilik remembered something.  
  
"Kilik," the Edge Master had once said, "the day may come when you cannot resist a foe with pure strength or skill alone. Then you must bend over like the sapling in the wind and withstand his assault. Let him expend himself. Be patient and watch for his mistake. Then pounce!"  
  
Kilik suddenly saw that Nightmare had gone too fast and hard and had made his error. The youth smiled with newfound vigor.  
  
"Hey, guess what? My alternate outfit is totally pimp-style!"  
  
Since he'd already shot his uniform-switch wad, Nightmare was without retort. Kilik pressed his advantage, brandishing his rod.  
  
"Go on, admit it. You're intimidated by the size, ain'tcha?"  
  
Nightmare swung Soul Edge around himself in circles. "Mine is a two-hander! I'm the original sizemaster, boy!"  
  
"Well, I'm the new model (with model looks, I might add). Besides, I heard your original blade was broken."  
  
"I can no longer turn back! My current one-eyed sword is better!"  
  
"I can't see how you'd ever know, with that hideous, ungainly claw of yours. I'm sure you're LOVED for that. Oh wait, don't tell me. You do a lot of solo "kata" action, don't you? Left-handed, of course."  
  
"You know good and well *you're* the kata expert here!"  
  
Kilik didn't miss a beat. "Which only shows how superior my rod technique is to your clumsy thrusting...."  
  
Nearby, Xianghua and Maxi watched the swaggering display with confusion and digust, respectively.  
  
"What's Kilik mean by 'girls love to listen to my throbbing soul?'" Xianghua asked Maxi, who was covering his face with shame.  
  
"If you don't know, you don't WANNA know..."  
  
(Author's Note: As this was one of Soul Calibur's most solidly story-based sub-boss battles, I went for a totally ridiculous angle, inspired by a Patrick Coffman's translation of one of Kilik's win-speeches. In the English version, the line goes "this rod will be your doom" but the original line is apparently something more like "you're intimidated by the size of this rod, right?" Well, there was a quote that begged for some way- out-of-context lampooning. This double-entendre-loaded fic was the rather nasty result. I'm sorry.) 


	5. Maxi

MAXI  
  
Through many grueling battles, at last Maxi faced Astaroth.  
  
Maxi burned with rage as he stared at the towering monster before him. The very sight of Astaroth filled him with utter revulsion and hatred.  
  
"Damn, if looks could kill, even I might be cold meat right now," Astaroth quipped. "What exactly is your beef with me, Max'?"  
  
"Don't take that tone with me, beast!" Maxi spat. "You know your crimes, and now you pay!"  
  
"Yeah, yeah," Astaroth drawled, hoisting his giant axe into a more ready position. "I killed your best friend."  
  
"No! That's not it!" Maxi said. Astaroth was taken aback.  
  
"Oh? Is it that I killed your crew?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Anything to do with my being from Hell?"  
  
"How can you be so DENSE?" Maxi said. "It's your damned wardrobe!"  
  
Astaroth was really shocked now. "My...wardrobe?"  
  
"Yes! Black leather straps and spikes are so...80s hair metal!"  
  
"But I don't even have any hair," Asta protested, stung.  
  
"Whine, whine, whine. No excuses. Fashion that bad is a capital offense on my ship, and you made the mortal error of boarding it."  
  
"Wait a minute?" Asta said desperately. "Let me show you something!"  
  
The giant concentrated, growling. Sparks of sizzling lighting coursed around his rippling muscles. As Maxi backed a few steps in amazement, Astaroth began to transform before his eyes. Maxi saw great bones rise from the huge back. The lightning grew so bright that it seemed that Astaroth's very skin was changing color.  
  
As the lightshow subsided, Maxi saw that to be the case; the giant's skin had turned purple. There were four huge bones jutting from his back. He'd grown a head of hair that stood straight up and tapered to a cone-like point. His spiky leather outfit was replaced by a simple pair of black leather pants.  
  
"Hah!" an exultant Astaroth panted. "How...how you like me now? What?!"  
  
Maxi stood silently for a moment before smiling appreciatively.  
  
"Hah! Ha ha ha ha! I'd never have believed it if hadn't seen with my own eyes! Incredible!"  
  
"Impressed, are you?" Astaroth would've smirked if he could've through his leather face mask.  
  
"Impressed that you could top even *your* bad fashion sense! What the hell is this purple look? Are you planning to date Mystique from "X-Men" or the chick in "Fifth Element?" Those pants! Repeat after me, OK? 'I am not Billy Idol!' And the hair! You finally get some, and you don't know any better than to wear it like a Devo reject or something!  
  
"In my name as 'Dandy of the High Seas,' I cannot stand for this fashion grotesquery! PREPARE YOURSELF!"  
  
"Arrrgh!" Asta screamed in frustration. "Suffer! Scream! DIE!"  
  
(Author's Note: In his previous existence, Astaroth was obviously a member of a death-metal band.) 


	6. Mitsurugi

MITSURUGI  
  
After many grueling battles, at last the mercenary Mitsurugi found Taki, the red-clad ninja. It was the depth of wintertime at the inundated castle. The floodwaters were frozen over and a light snow was falling.  
  
"Why do you face me instead of Nightmare?" Taki asked with her arms folded to ward off the cold a little. "And why here and now?"  
  
Mitsurugi grinned roguishly. "You really have to ask? You keep getting in the way of my quest for the sword that can beat the rifle. I gotta get rid of you."  
  
"Fair enough." she said, shrugging and entering a battle-ready stance.  
  
"Oh baby," Mitsurugi muttered as he raised his own weapon to the on-guard stance.  
  
"What was that?" Taki asked sharply.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Do not underestimate the keen hearing of the ninja, Mitsurugi."  
  
The swordsman wavered a moment at being caught in his lie. Then he broke his stance; he couldn't fight effectively while so mentally conflicted.  
  
"Aw, I'll square with you," he said. "I chose this time and place for another reason."  
  
"....I'm listening."  
  
"That outfit you wear," Mitsurugi said. "It's very strange."  
  
"I don't expect you to understand the ways of ninja," Taki said, "but what does my garb have to do with anything?"  
  
"It's very tight...and sheer," Mitsu said, leering. "And you're so cold right now, it leaves even less to the imagination than usual."  
  
Times like these, Taki was really glad she wore a mask. Feeling herself blush, she haughtily folded her arms to cover her chest. Because, damn it all, she *was* very, very cold, and it showed.  
  
"So, the point of this battle..."  
  
"...was purely for a certain ...visual stimulation."  
  
"I see," Taki said easily, concealing how ruffled she actually was. "Of course, you realize that I can't let you live, having seen what you have."  
  
"Then I guess I die happy."  
  
Men! Taki thought.  
  
(Author's Note: I thought, "why wintertime for this matchup?" And why Taki, instead of Nightmare? The answer: sex, of course. Men are such pigs. It's our fatal flaw.) 


	7. Nightmare

NIGHTMARE  
  
After many grueling battles and soul-taking, Nightmare returned to his castle only to be faced with one more foe - the baker's daughter, Sophitia.  
  
He'd heard of this little girl traveling across the countryside, foolishly trying to restore what he had already ravaged. Apparently, she'd learned of his headquarters here at Castle Ostrheinsburg and had come to try to stop him.  
  
And thus making the taking of her soul a deliciously simple matter, Nightmare thought to himself with supreme satisfaction. The evil blade he held agreed malevolently.  
  
He regarded the patiently waiting young woman before him. She was a pretty thing, with golden hair that shone in the waning sunlight. Her skin seemed to glow with a radiance from some other source. A radiance he'd not seen since...well, perhaps never had...  
  
Suddenly Soul Edge shuddered in Nightmare's hand, reminding him that he still had to slay this impertinent girl. He glared at her through his helmet's visor, having walked close enough to see her better.  
  
She had firm, strong thighs that her skirt and leggings could not completely conceal. Her bosom heaved steadily up and down with her calm but deep breathing. Her breasts appeared firm with youth and capable of feeding many, many children before sagging after years of loving massages-  
  
Then Soul Edge vibrated furiously for a moment, startling him from his reverie. Nightmare shook his head violently.  
  
What's the matter with me? he asked himself. I need to take her so I can perform my resurrection!  
  
Soul Edge screamed in his mind.  
  
Argh, Nightmare thought. I meant take her *soul*! What was happening here?  
  
Instantly, it hit him. Despite being a possessed, malformed madman, Nightmare was still a teenage male with raging hormones. In fact, throughout all his terrorizing of the Spanish and German hillsides in sating the Soul Edge's thirst for souls , he'd totally neglected the raping half of "rape and pillage" and he was pretty pent-up. The fact that Sophitia was a hottie only fed the fire within.  
  
Ignoring the jealous protests of Soul Edge, Nightmare called out to Sophitia.  
  
"Girl!" he cried. "Be my queen!"  
  
Sophitia almost dropped her shield along with her jaw in disbelief. "W...what?" she managed to stutter.  
  
"You heard me! BE MY QUEEN OR DIE!"  
  
After a long moment, Sophitia said simply, "I'm already engaged to a wonderful man back home. So my answer must be no.  
  
"But really," she continued, before he could reply, "how could I ever entertain a sloppy, 8th-century Neanderthal-style proposal like that?" She deepened her voice, imitating his gravelly, breathy baritone. 'Be my queen or die!' Don't you know how to properly address a lady?"  
  
"BAH!" Nightmare scoffed. "What do I care about such matters? I AM NIGHTMARE, MASTER OF THE SOUL EDGE!"  
  
"Who, despite all his power," Sophitia sniffed, "couldn't get a date if his life was at stake. You're like some frustrated teenager with no social skills."  
  
Nightmare seethed at Sophitia's unwitting accuracy: What good is having the Soul Edge if it can't help me score with the chicks? The sooner I take her soul and finish this erection business, the better...I meant, resurrection business! DAMN!  
  
"My sword, grant me strength!" Nightmare muttered desperately as he tried to dispel a powerful daydream of raising a dozen green-eyed, blond-headed Greco-Germanic kids on a farm. Soul Edge hummed with contempt for this weak host and, not for the first time, wished Cervantes was still alive...  
  
(Author's Note: I always thought Sophie and Siegfreid would make a cute couple. Ohhhh, no... now someone's gonna do a Sophie/Ziggy fanfic...[bwaarrrrrfff]) 


	8. Sophitia

SOPHITIA  
  
After many grueling battles, at last Sophitia faced Nightmare. The two faced each other outside the ruins of Ostrheinsburg Castle. Sophitia gathered her power for the duel to come.  
  
"Rothion," she whispered, thinking of her betrothed back home in Greece. "Give me strength."  
  
For some reason, her resolve was faltering. She'd expected to be full of pure spirit and shining with power, as she had been when she'd faced Cervantes three years ago. Now she felt nothing, and it troubled her.  
  
Then she noticed a similar aura of uncertainty about the monstrous knight before her. Was there more to this than met the eye? Perhaps he was not the utter evil he seemed to be. And her charge was indeed to destroy the Soul Edge, not necessarily its wielder. Maybe this host was not so far gone as Cervantes, and thus still salvageable.  
  
"Bearer of the Soul Edge," she said, "for your own sake, please give up the blade before it condemns your soul utterly."  
  
Nightmare stood silent, half-turned away and holding the cursed sword in his misshapen right hand.  
  
"Whatever your quest," she continued, "whether foul or noble..." This produced a quiver in the armored frame. So she'd hit a weak spot. She pounced on it.  
  
"Your means completely corrupt your ends. You think Soul Edge is helping you, but it always has its own plans, ones which supercede and possibly will destroy any good you hope to accomplish!"  
  
As she spoke, the dark knight remained silent but physically trembled. He looked down at the living blade he bore. Its baleful eye was wide open and twitching with anxiety. Finally, with a mighty cry, he hurled the blade down.  
  
Sophitia watched with horror as the hulking knight collapsed to his knees, convulsing and groaning. His huge claw of a right arm spasmed wildly, seeming to shrink before her eyes. During his writhing, Nightmare wound up kneeling away from Sophitia. She heard his helmet clang to the cobbled ground. He panted heavily for long moments while Sophitia waited for the outcome. Was he free from the sword's spell?  
  
At last, his breathing slowed. He stood and half-turned to face Sophitia. She gasped; his right arm was now completely human (and well-muscled). And when she saw his face, she stopped breathing altogether.  
  
Gods, he was gorgeous! His hair was long and blond, even lighter than her own. His features were fine and well-formed. A hint of baby fat suggested his youth. The only flaw were his eyes; they glowed red as they had behind the helmet he'd worn.  
  
He closed his eyes and smiled as he finished his turn. When he opened them, the red glow was gone. In its place were the most beautifully green eyes Sophitia had ever seen. Her knees got a little weak with sheer awe.  
  
"Oh...my...gods," Sophitia said softly, trying not to drop her sword. "He's a total hunk."  
  
If he'd heard her, he gave no sign of knowing. "I thank you, Sophitia Alexandra of Greece. You concern and prayers have saved me, Seigfried Schtauffen of the Holy Roman Empire." At that moment, a gentle wind blew from the south, brushing his long hair from his eyes so Sophitia could see his whole face completely for the first time. And this time she *did* drop her sword.  
  
"Aieeeee! You...you've got a..." she said, pointing frantically at his face, "...A SCAR!"  
  
"Huh?" he said, suddenly self-conscious of the long, healed-over gash that ran from his right eyebrow to the base of his cheekbone. "So what?"  
  
So what, he says, Sophitia almost screamed out loud. That only makes his sex appeal jump from its already considerable levels to nigh-irresistible power, that's what!! Gods, how I want him!!  
  
Sophitia was contemplating how best to draw out Seigfried's personal, God- given "blade" when suddenly she remembered her words to her dear Rothion...  
  
"Sophie," Rothion had said gently one evening as he walked her home, shortly after their engagement. "May I make a special request?"  
  
"Yes you may," she'd answered.  
  
"This may sound very strange. Please don't think me uncouth or untoward."  
  
"I could never think that, Rothy!" She'd giggled and squeezed his arm as her interest mounted. He'd been like this when he'd asked to marry her.  
  
"Ahh," he began, blushing. "When--when we're married..."  
  
"Yes?" she said breathlessly.  
  
"Well, ah--remember the time a few months back when you drove off those bandits?"  
  
"Yes..." Her excitement trailed off somewhat. This didn't sound romantic at all.  
  
"Umm. You used one of your special grapples to beat one of them..."  
  
"Yes." She was almost glum now. "And he's still around, hollering and begging to see my 'neckbreakers' again."  
  
"Umm. Yes," Rothion said, pulling his collar a bit in total embarrassment. Then he suddenly knelt before his surprised fiancee.  
  
"Please promise me, Sophie! Promise me that you won't do any more 'neckbreakers' until we're married! And...!" Rothion's voice failed him.  
  
Sophie was stunned silent for a moment. Then she smiled and knelt down to look Rothion eye to eye.  
  
"I do promise, my love. And I promise something else..." She drew closer, whispering in his ear, making his eyes widen with wonder and delight.  
  
  
  
Back in the present at Ostrheinsburg, Sophie felt dirty with betrayal. She'd sworn to save her best "neckbreakers" for Rothion alone, and here she was, contemplating giving them to this wonderfully built blond piece of perfection before her. She loved Rothion with all her heart, mind and soul, and yet she wanted this youth even more in spite of herself. She had to do something decisive. And quickly.  
  
She squatted to the ground, reaching for her dropped sword (and resisting an urge to sprawl on her back and scream, "Take me, you Teutonic demigod!"). She gripped it tightly, remained kneeling there on the ground, and spoke through gritted teeth.  
  
"Take up your sword."  
  
"Huh?" Seigfried said.  
  
"I said, 'Take up your sword!"  
  
"But...you're the one who wanted me to get rid of it in the first pl--"  
  
"I've changed my mind, OK? A girl's allowed to change her mind now and then!"  
  
"Er...right." Skeptical, Seigfried strode back over to the Soul Edge. He looked back over at Sophitia. "You sure don't want me to buy you a cup of coffee or some--"  
  
"I'M ENGAGED, OKAY?" Sophie screamed, still kneeling, as hot tears forced themselves from her eyes. "I just can't!"  
  
"Oh, well that changes everything." He grabbed Soul Edge and yelled a war cry as his right arm bubbled back up into its hideous, clawed form. "I dare you to try a "neckbreaker" on me now!" he said with an evil laugh. Sophie gasped with horror as she realized a part of her still wanted to comply even though Seigfried was the grotesque Nightmare again.  
  
"Yaaaah!" she screamed. "For my mission, for the sake of my true love, you're going DOWN!!!!!"  
  
Arrgh, she thought. That didn't come out right at all--!  
  
(Author's Note: Easily the longest of the series. This was partly inspired by some nutjob who used to spam the old soulcalibur.com forum. He'd post, in all caps, repeated requests of screencaps/vids of Sophie doing her various neck-wrenching throws. (I WANT NECKBREAKERRRR!") I was also intrigued as to how this rather chaste-seeming woman had the game's most risque moves. ) 


	9. Taki

TAKI  
  
After grueling battles, Taki finally faced Nightmare.  
  
"Deceived one, say your prayers!" the lithe ninja said.  
  
"Feh," Nightmare responded brusquely. "I don't think so."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"You're not worth my time."  
  
"Perhaps you'll think differently," Taki huffed, "when you've felt the sting of my ninja magic. En garde!"  
  
"BAH!" Nightmare yelled. "I await true, unique warriors so I can take their strong souls! You are merely one of several fake ninja girls out there. I don't need you."  
  
"Fake? What are you talking about?" Taki said.  
  
"You're all the same. You claim 'I'm a ninja! I'm bad! Fear my ninja tricks! Turtle in fear of my speed!' Yet all of you, to a woman, don't act much like ninjas.  
  
"Take the Shiranui clan, for instance. Every member of the line prances around in those gaudy, revealing costumes like whorish dancers in dockside pubs. Apart from a few fire tricks, the bulk of their magic seems to revolve around staying in their clothes while 'fighting.' Or the Mugen Tenjin clan, with the same problem. No matter who is selected to the ranks of kuniochi, they all just happen to be hair-dyed, top-heavy eye candy who need toupee paste just to stay decent.  
  
"And you, 'Taki,'" Nightmare now spat, "hardly look like a ninja at all in that clothing, if it can be called that! You seem to think that by dragging a flimsy mask over your nose, suddenly you can claim ninjahood. BAH!"  
  
"If you're quite done criticizing the fashion traditions of the kuniochi," Taki said, controlling her anger, "would you please make your point?"  
  
"My point? I shouldn't have to say it!" Nightmare roared. "Ninja are creatures of the night! They blend in with the darkness and appear from nowhere! They strike without warning and vanish without trace! THEY WEAR LOTS OF DARK, BAGGY CLOTHES!  
  
"You so-called 'kuniochi' are too busy flashing your cleavage around to ever sneak up on anyone! You, I saw coming a mile away! You're a disgrace to a disgraceful profession! It's no wonder you're being hunted by your own clan!"  
  
"Eeeeyah!" Taki yelled in frustration, finally losing her temper. "DEMON, BEGONE!"  
  
(Author's Note: To those who don't know, the Shiranui clan refers to the famously bouncy ninja Mai in the Fatal Fury and King of Fighters series, and the Mugen Tenjin clan are Kasumi and her sister Ayame from the famously bouncy Dead or Alive games. And then there's Taki, who was, in actuality, the *first* game character to bounce in 3D polygons. ) 


	10. Voldo

VOLDO  
  
After many grueling battles, Voldo finally caught up with Ivy in Venice.  
  
"You!" the tall, platinum-blonde woman spat, recognizing him instantly. "What are you doing here?"  
  
Voldo had no answer. He was, after all, mute. In fact, being deaf and blind as well, he didn't even hear the question.  
  
But Voldo did have an uncanny sixth sense that more than made up for his lost sense of sight and hearing. This sense described the world around him in great detail. It was like having a sense of touch that extended many meters beyond his skin and could even detect differences in light.  
  
He could also detect physiological changes in the enemies he faced, so he knew that unless he could explain himself somehow, this encounter with Ivy could go badly. He'd gone through a lot to encounter her again, and he wasn't going to miss his opportunity this time!  
  
It started back in the Money Pit. The Ivy woman had just fled his defense of Master Vercci's vault. Yet he'd strangely taken no joy in the victory. Was it because she yet lived? Or was it something else?  
  
His master's voice had come to him, then, urging Voldo to chase her because she bore the scent, no, the very aura of the Soul Edge he had sought for so long. Voldo had been ashamed for not noticing and took to the task of pursuing her with verve. Yet his enthusiasm was mixed with something else, which he came to realize had interfered with his perceptions back in the Pit.  
  
She...excited him. Her mode of dress was almost as freaky as his own, and he suspected her libido was as well. After years of dormancy, his own carnal drives were firing up again. He'd had to strap his codpiece on tighter than ever to prevent his getting sidetracked. (See, when you're an amoral, horny bachelor who lives all alone and can contort yourself in unsual ways, well, it's hard to get any work done. Hence, the restraining gear.)  
  
He'd argued bitterly with Vercci for the first time in his life. The ghost mocked Voldo and said it'd never work. But Voldo countered that he had to try; his life had been so barren for so long. Vercci took offense and removed his blessing. This had hurt Voldo terribly, but it also drove him. Life with Ivy was his only hope for joy now.  
  
Now, at last he was again face-to-face with the only woman on Earth made just for him. His pale skin flushed as he knelt before her. He began to serenade her.  
  
"O beauteous rose of England, would that thou wouldst bathe me in thy petals;  
  
And perfume me with thy fragrance. Your scarlet hue matches my hot blood  
  
Which boils for you alone among the many flowers of the garden of Earth."  
  
That's what he wanted to say, anyhow. But all Ivy heard was disgusting heavy breathing.  
  
"Y-you...sick fiend!" the English noblewoman sputtered, flushing even redder. "How dare you leer at me!"  
  
Which wasn't exactly true, as Voldo was blind. But his special sense did enable him to, in a sense, feel up every contour of Ivy's figure. Still, that was no substitute for actual touch. Voldo reached out for Ivy's hand.  
  
"Aagh! You DARE? Get away, you filth!" she raged. With one quick motion, she whipped out her Ivy Blade across Voldo's hand.  
  
Voldo exhaled loudly from the pain, both physical and emotional. But on the heels of that feeling came another: pleasure. He wanted more, and reached for her again. This time she sidestepped and whipped him twice.  
  
He'd lost his master's love, and Ivy denied him hers. But to be beat, whipped and completely dominated by her...well, it would be the next best thing. And where better than here, the City of Water and romance? He turned around.  
  
"You turn your back on me? You think to leave without paying for your disrespect?" Ivy said. "THINK AGAIN!" She extended her whip sword to full length and wrapped it around Voldo's neck. She hauled him back to her and jammed her heel in his back while tugging on his neck with the weapon.  
  
"SCREAM, YOU DOG!" Ivy said.  
  
Voldo had never been happier...  
  
(Author's Note: It's Voldo and Ivy, people; I couldn't have made this one tasteful if I tried. So I didn't.) 


	11. Xianghua

XIANGHUA  
  
After many grueling battles, at last Xianghua faced Nightmare.  
  
"It is time for you to face your destiny, Nightmare," Xianghua said.  
  
"And you, yours, girl," the evil knight retorted, brandishing his grotesque weapon. Nightmare watched with amusement as the teenager gently eased into her ready stance with practiced grace.  
  
Then he saw something...odd. Impossible, really.  
  
"...do that again," he said after a long pause.  
  
"Eh?" Xianghua's stance faltered.  
  
"Yeah. Now go into your on-guard stance again." Nightmare's red eyes narrowed, focusing on her as the confused girl warily reentered her stance.  
  
And there it was again! There was no mistaking it. Her bustline had jiggled, like she had hopped in place, but with no such movement. It defied all natural laws of the physical universe.  
  
"How are you DOING that?" Nightmare asked.  
  
"Doing what?" Xianghua asked, petulantly stamping a foot on the ground. Nightmare saw no jiggle.  
  
"Your--your bustline! Sometimes it moves, sometimes it won't! What kind of sorcery is this?"  
  
Xianghua's jaw dropped open as Nightmare's words sank in. Flushing, she suddenly desperately wished she were wearing her 3P jacketed outfit so she could button it closed and hide her bosom from this guy.  
  
"I--I thought you were an evil devourer of souls!" she finally managed. "Not some common pervert!"  
  
It was Nightmare's turn to jaw-drop (though hidden behind his helmet mask). This child was suggesting he was a mere pervert! How dare she! He didn't even find the little wench attractive. He just wanted to know why her breasts--  
  
"--breeasts--"  
  
Huh? Whose voice was that? Nightmare cocked his head, trying to catch the sound again. Meanwhile Xianghua angrily assumed her stance once more, producing another jiggle.  
  
"Breeeeassts!" went the voice again. This time it was accompanied by a strange feeling deep in his bones, and Nightmare recognized the voice as his own. His forgotten self, from before obtaining the Soul Edge.  
  
His 19-year-old virgin self that hadn't so much as touched a woman's hand in years.  
  
"I won't forgive you, *hentai*!" Xianghua raged. Suddenly Nightmare realized he'd been saying "breasts" out loud. Mortified, he bent his head to his sword and breathed deeply.  
  
"Sword, grant me strength--!"  
  
(Author's Note: Xianghua has always had this strange bit of bouncing, both in arcade and at home. Makes no sense.) 


	12. Hwang

HWANG  
  
After many grueling battles, Hwang Sung Kyung found Maxi the pirate.  
  
The sight of Maxi in his white outfit triggered a wave of myriad emotions in Hwang. The first emotion was anger. Maxi had been captain of the small Japanese pirate ship that had decimated Hwang's crew over a year ago. Though the pirates were of no tactical importance, Hwang had foolishly commanded his men to pursue them. Once overtaken, the pirates, led by the white-clad Maxi, had defended themselves like Japanese dogs without honor by luring Hwang's men into strategic traps that had put the Korean patriots at fatal disadvantages.  
  
Hwang's second emotion was shame. Shame at having been so foolish. Shame at his having been distracted by concerns and dreams of civilian life. Shame at losing to Japanese dogs like them. Shame at his multiple failures that day.  
  
Hot, angry determination fueled Hwang now. His purpose *would* be fulfilled now, and his mens' deaths would not be in vain.  
  
"Maxi!" he bellowed. "I've come for you, you Japanese dog!"  
  
The pirate laconically faced Hwang, lazily twirling his nunchaku. "What the hell you want?"  
  
"To avenge my men dead at your honorless hands," Hwang said. "To redeem my failures. But more than anything else, I want to be a dancer!"  
  
Maxi was so shocked that his twirling nunchaku slipped from his grasp and went flying out of the ring.  
  
"It's true," Hwang went on. "It started early in my soldier training, when we first began to learn our Korean kicking arts. I had a talent for being able to reproduce any move I had seen performed, even if only seen once. I discovered I could balance myself with ease. I loved doing splits while others shrieked with pain. I took great pride and pleasure in performing poom-se (that's "kata" to a Japanese dog like you) as gracefully as possible.  
  
"Later, I was forced to concentrate on purely warlike skills to defend my homeland. I particularly adapted the skills of a scruffy, scrubby Japanese dog of a swordsman with a tricky right foot I kept running into. But I never forgot my original dream.  
  
"Then, on my way back from the search for the sword of salvation, I happened upon a small Chinese town. A royal Chinese dance troupe was visting. And I saw this teenage girl, perhaps a bit younger than MiNa (that's my teacher's daughter, who was traveling with me), who had the most incredible dance moves! Plus her sword technique was astoundingly graceful! I studied her intently until MiNa found me and forcibly removed me. By then I had seen enough to copy many of her moves. At last, my dream of being a dancer could be fulfilled, without giving up my equal desire to protect my country from invading Japanese dogs like you!"  
  
By now, Maxi had managed to climb from the ring, retrieve his weapon in the dark valley, and climb back up again. He was pretty annoyed. "So what's this dancing fetish got to do with me?"  
  
"I lack one thing in my quest," Hwang said. "It's why I pursued your ship after spotting you through my telescope from afar. This Chinese girl had exquisite costumes to complement her dancing. My clothing has not been very flattering, to say the least.  
  
"But much as it pains me to admit it to a Japanese dog like you," Hwang continued, "you are clearly the Dandy of the High Seas. YOU WILL GIVE ME YOUR TAILOR'S BUSINESS CARD OR YOU WILL SURRENDER YOUR WARDROBE TO ME!"  
  
Maxi sighed as he prepared for a fight. [It's so hard being dandy,] he thought.  
  
(Author's Note: I always thought Hwang was kinda cool, but what was up, I wondered, with his...effete fashion sense? His 1P outfit in the original Soul Edge was the gaudiest piece of virtual clothing in 3D fighting game history, and the SC versions were little improvement. Combined with his using Xianghua's girly whirly-twirly style, you gotta wonder about the guy...) 


	13. Yoshimitsu

YOSHIMITSU  
  
After many grueling battles, at last Yoshimitsu faced Nightmare.  
  
"What brings you here, clown?" Nightmare growled. "Shouldn't you be somewhere else?"  
  
Yoshimitsu, unperturbed, answered coolly, "I'm exactly where I need to be to fulfill my purpose."  
  
Nightmare laughed. "You're not even in one piece," Nightmare said, noting Yoshimitsu's prosthetic hand. "You're literally 400 years too early to fight me. Go practice using your iron fist against unarmed opponents who can't 8-way run for a few years!"  
  
"Who said I wished to fight you?"  
  
Nightmare was taken aback by this. He peered at Yoshimitsu, but the Manji ninja's mask was even more inscrutable than his own helmet and visor.  
  
"I'm not here to fight, or to take your blade," Yoshi continued, "though this was not always the case.  
  
"I originally intended to gain the Soul Edge for myself so I could avenge my murdered clan, whose banner I proudly wear in battle. But then I heard about all the murders and destruction being committed by this 'Nightmare' I kept hearing about--committed by you. I began to wonder if my quest would be any different from yours. Whether I would become a monster even worse than the man who killed my clan. I decided to abandon my revenge.  
  
"I couldn't let you go on as you like, however. So I've come to make you a proposition."  
  
"....Get on with it, then." the dark knight growled. This soul had guts.  
  
"As you might know, sequels are likely going to be a big thing in the future. I plan to make a sequel of my own life, name and exploits. I shall be Yoshimitsu the First!"  
  
Nightmare cocked his head sarcastically. "That's very inspiring. Now, what does this have to do with me?"  
  
"I want you ... to be my sidekick!  
  
"...........What?"  
  
"We're a total match!" Yoshi enthused. "I wear a mask, you wear a full-face helmet. I have an unusual right hand, you have an unusual right arm. I supply the smarts and swashbuckling heroism while you get to play my big, clumsy comic relief! It's just what you need to lose that sour demeanor you've got."  
  
Nightmare was speechless.  
  
"I see you're speechless," Yoshi continued. "I know this is a stretch for you, but stay with me here. Because I was just like you -- oh, wait, I already told you about that. Anyway, I got a vision of starting a whole franchise to last generations, my dear fellow. I can see it!...Yoshimitsu the First and Nightmare One! What say you?"  
  
Nightmare stood silent for several moments, as if deep in thought.  
  
"I say..." he began, "that you are the biggest fool I've met yet! I care not for some stupid partnership! I have a resurrection to effect! And though I sorely doubt yours will do any good toward that end, I WILL TAKE YOUR SOUL!"  
  
"Man, you try to show a guy a break, and you just get crapped on," Yoshi muttered, getting into his battle-ready stance.  
  
(Author's Note: the dig at Tekken early in the story was written long before Tekken 4's release.) 


	14. Lizardman

LIZARDMAN  
  
After grueling battles, Lizardman finally made his move against Astaroth. Their relationship had been troubled from the start, ever since the audition...  
  
Liz had been sunning himself on a desert rock shortly after his "birth" when he'd gotten a mystical, telepathic want ad in his head.  
  
"Dark warriors wanted for soul-gathering. Bloodthirst a must. Loot and pillage to be awarded commiserate to experience."  
  
Lizardman had been one of the top applicants to answer the call. These were in turn tested by Astaroth in single combat. The unmaimed survivors were allowed to join the inner circle of Nightmare's campaign (the rest became fodder for the Soul Edge).  
  
During his audition, Lizardman had been a silent killing machine, even against the mighty Astaroth. He'd pushed the giant to the limit, suffering only minor wounds in the stalemate. He was in!  
  
Then, the shock came. A day later, Lizardman was introduced to Lord Nightmare and the Soul Edge. Lizardman had an entire speech prepared for the occassion. He was going to knock their socks off with his Greek education background as well as his knowledge of dark, ancient cultic mysticism.  
  
But he found that he literally couldn't open his mouth. At first he'd though it was nerves, but the official diagnosis was tetanus. He'd gotten lockjaw from Astaroth's rusty axe!  
  
Well, this tickled Astaroth to no end. He was amused for the full year that the condition persisted (due to Lizardman's odd physiology). All the while Lizardman inwardly raged at the giant and his fate. He usually took it out on the innocent victims of Nightmare's crusade (which didn't help because he'd have done that anyway). But the worst was yet to come.  
  
At last the lockjaw subsided and Lizardman could eat solid food again. But the sheer bloodlust of his reptilian nature combined with the pent-up pressure born of his long frustation made his mind snap to the point where he could not speak intelligibly but only make the same guttural sounds as when he was ill.  
  
"And here I thought lockjaw was your only problem!" Asta laughed. "But it seems you're a natural born moron!" Asta's laughter echoed endlessly in Lizardman's mind as he plotted to get his revenge. And now it was time!  
  
"Aaaass-roff!" Lizardman said haltingly in his gargly voice. "yuuuuv mokted my ssspeech mmmpediment WON TIME TOO MENNY! EYE MAKING YUUU PAAYYYYY!"  
  
(Author's Note: in the arcade version of SC, Lizardman's mouth did not open at all, yet he made the same sorts of noises he does today on DC. Which inspired this fic. ) 


	15. Siegfried

SIEGFREID  
  
After many grueling battles, Siegfried faced Mitsurugi in the Colosseum.  
  
"It's been a long time, Mitsurugi," Siegfried said.  
  
"Yes," Mitsurugi agreed. "It's time everything was settled."  
  
"Indeed," Siegfried said, hefting his massive sword to readiness. "I have been questing for some time, settling various affairs that were set in motion after the last clash of Souls. But one score has haunted me since even before then."  
  
"It's not so much a score as it is a question," Mitsurugi said by way of statement.  
  
"Correct. And so we've got to settle the question, man to man."  
  
"Hai!" Mitsurugi said, quickly getting into his own fighting stance.  
  
"Although I can't say there's much of a question at all," Siegfried said. "After all, I *did* win the prize last time."  
  
"And ended up being the whipping boy of this latest chapter," Mitsu replied. "Meanwhile, I remained to become the new hero."  
  
"'New' hero?" Sieg scoffed. "I believe that honor goes to a certain stick- up-the-butt whose name I won't mention...(the 'New Legend'...what crap...)"  
  
(Somewhere in Asia, Kilik felt his ears burn so badly he dove from the stalk he was balancing on into the cool water below. "So that's what life was like for you, brother Maxi," he mused. "It sure must've been hard being so dandy..." )  
  
"That might be so," Mitsu conceded, "but WHO EXACTLY tops the usage charts on EVERY Soul Calibur arcade machine, hmmmm?"  
  
"Oh, so it's like THAT, huh?" Sieg snarled. "Maybe you oughta add up the numbers for both me AND Nightmare and see how you like me then! Or better yet, check the Soul Edges left out there (since that's what the REAL issue is) and see who rules and reigns there!"  
  
Mitsu was without an easy answer. He suspected that Sieg's B,B,B and f+B had given him the edge (pun accidental but welcome) with scrubs back in '96 and he was uncomfortable with the thought of a manual count of Soul Edge percentages--especially with that copycat Hwang splitting the vote. Then the thought of scrub reminded him of something.  
  
"My d+K,B--" Mitsu began.  
  
"Meant nothing in '96," Sieg interrupted, laughing. "It would mean nothing now if not for your oh-so-mighty fighting skills against a downed opponent." Mitsu was really mad now.  
  
"My theme music in '96 was HERO MUSIC!" Mitsu said. Now Siegfried was stuck for words because as cool as the chanting and choirs were in his old stage music, his overall theme had sucked and he knew it.  
  
"Not only that," Mitsurugi said, pressing his advantage, "but my backstory was at least sane! I was trying to preserve my livelihood. You were hunting for a killer you saw reflected in every body of water--yourself!"  
  
Siegfried was silent and sullen with shame and rage.  
  
"I'm older, taller -- and sexier," Mitsu said. "And face it, blondie--I had the coolest ending in 'Soulblade' and you know it!"  
  
Siegfried was silent a bit longer, then spoke deliberately, without bravado.  
  
"I could mention how my secret 'Siegfried!' armor was by far the coolest costume in Soulblade, but it'd be wasted effort on a Japanese dog like you. So I suppose we'll settle this the old-fashioned way. KYAH! Whatever you try, I'll beat you!"  
  
(Author's Note: These two were the most popular characters back in Soul Edge's day, as well as sharing the "hero" status of being the "default" characters, similar to Kilik and Xianghua in SC.) 


	16. Rock

ROCK  
  
After many grueling battles, at last Rock overtook Lizardman.  
  
The creature had messed with the wrong man when he'd kidnapped Bangoo, his young charge. The boy was all the family he had left, and nothing would stop him from getting him back.  
  
Yes, that was Rock's overriding motivation. But a secondary motive had emerged on the journey.  
  
At every step of his trip, Rock had been assailed by all manner of creatures. Monsters the like of which he'd never known seemed to flood from the woodworks at him. They'd barely slowed him down. A path of carcasses marked his path to Lizardman's lair. He'd taken no token from any of them. None was suitable.  
  
But now, facing the crested Lizardman, Rock knew he'd found a prize worth winning, greater than the bison head he wore now. Yes, Rock figured Lizardman would make a right nice helmet.  
  
"Lizardman!" Rock bellowed. "I WILL WEAR YOUR HEAD!! BANGOOOOO!" he added purely in afterthought.  
  
(Author's Note: The shortest fic, but one of my favorites.) 


	17. Seung MiNa

SEUNG MI NA  
  
After many grueling travels and battles, MiNa encountered Hwang.  
  
"MiNa!" Hwang said sternly. "I've finally found you. Your father orders you to return home immediately!"  
  
"My father, my father," MiNa sneered. "Don't you have anything better to say?"  
  
"Huh?" Hwang said, taken aback.  
  
"I mean, you're always following his orders! And you do it gladly! Don't you have a mind of your own?"  
  
"I don't see what this has to do with anything--" Hwang began, but MiNa pounded her glaive on the ground, interrupting Hwang.  
  
"It's got everything to do with everything!" she said. "You can't stand up to him, can you?!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're scared to tell Father 'no,' When Han Myong speaks, you jump -- doing the splits, no less...You're such a wuss!" MiNa yelled.  
  
Hwang could only sputter: "What--I--you...little...TAKE THAT BACK!"  
  
"No!" MiNa said, drawing up to her full height. "It's true; you're a wuss and a loser! You can't stand up for yourself against my dad!  
  
"I can too tell him no," Hwang protested. "I refused to marry *you* when he asked me to."  
  
"That's 'cause you're more scared of me than of him!"  
  
"WHAAAT?!" Hwang yelled incredulously.  
  
"In fact, you're scared of women, period!" MiNa said, triumphantly.  
  
"That's not true! How could I fear the weaker sex? BAH!"  
  
"You've never had a girlfriend, have you?"  
  
Hwang was silent, lost for a reply.  
  
"You've never gone on a DATE!" MiNa said. "'Cause you're too scared to ask a woman out!"  
  
"I am not yet ready for courtship," Hwang said tightly, controlling his anger. "I--"  
  
"I can see that, looking at your wardrobe," MiNa said. "Either you dress like a dandy pansy or you go overboard on the bare chest look. Even back since the first quest for the sword of salvation! And what's up with all the style-stealing and dancing? I swear, sometimes you're a total embarrassment to the nation of Korea!  
  
"You sure are an embarrassment to me!" she finished, red-faced with vented anger.  
  
Hwang was stunned into silence.  
  
"Well?" MiNa demanded. "Don't you have anything to say?"  
  
"Gosh, MiNa, I never knew you thought that about me," Hwang said, sheepishly. "Did--did you really mean it when you said I dress 'dandy?'"  
  
"Yes, I did!" MiNa huffed. Then she gaped incredulously at Hwang, who began smiling like he'd been praised by his truest love.  
  
"YES! I have reached the level of 'Dandy!'" Hwang exulted, going into a whole set of victory splits. "I am finally ready to become the 'Dandy Dancing Machine of the Coastal Defense Force!' Suck on that Maxi, you Japanese dog of a pirate, you!"  
  
(Somewhere on the high seas, Maxi sneezed loudly three times. "Somebody's talkin' about me again...man, it's hard being dandy...")  
  
MiNa shuddered with revulsion. She'd found Hwang because she'd thought he was the only guy she would ever consider marrying. And truth be told, he still was, but right now even the Kim heir was looking better in comparison. Drastic action was required.  
  
"Hwang, I must continue my quest for independence," MiNa said softly. "But before I do, for the sake of my as-yet-hypothetical future love life, I've got to BEAT THE FOP OUT OF YOU!"  
  
(Author's Note: More fun with Hwang. I [like too many others on this web site] actually think he and SM will make a great couple, but neither is ready for the other yet. ) 


	18. Cervantes

CERVANTES  
  
After many grueling battles, the resurrected Cervantes finally faced Taki again. Their last duel was the only one he'd lost in the decades he'd borne the demonic blades of Soul Edge.  
  
The zombie pirate glowered at the lithe ninja. She looked very slight and weak. How could he have lost to this Japanese wisp of a woman? He was having trouble remembering. His memory...  
  
Cervantes squeezed his eyes shut tightly as his memories of being trapped, as a spirit, between the underworld of Hell and the only slightly less hellish draw of Soul Edge erupted vividly. On the tail end of the tide of remembrance, he relived the battle with Taki, three years ago...  
  
The woman had been fast, even faster than him. And something else had been amiss. He'd felt *maimed* somehow. Like he had lost his right hand.  
  
Suddenly, the memory returned with such clarity that he wondered how even death could have made him forget. He *had* been handicapped by the destruction of one of the Soul Edge blades. After over 20 years of wielding the two, he was at a monstrous disadvantage fighting with only one. Moreover, he'd totally lacked his usual control while the red-clad ninja had battled with utmost precision and discipline.  
  
But now would be different. He might not have the murderous power of the original Soul Edge, but his current twin blades would be enough.  
  
"I've come back from Hell to kill you, woman," Cervantes growled. "You will taste my pain!"  
  
Taki said nothing, but showed no undue concern. She'd beaten him once, when he was powered by Soul Edge. She could certainly defeat him again.  
  
"I see you're unconcerned," he noted.  
  
"Hunting ghosts, demons and the undead is what I do," Taki said calmly. "One zombie pirate isn't enough to send me screaming for the hills. Besides, didn't I beat you already?"  
  
"Yes," the pirate conceded. "But only because I wasn't fully armed. Look!" Cervantes grinned as he drew his swords with a flourish.  
  
"Now I have *two* swords! Now you face my true ability! Prepare yourself!"  
  
Taki was unruffled. "Sorry to disappoint you, but you're not the only one who's better armed this time around." She spun in a wide circle, drawing and resheathing both her reforged Rekkimaru and cursed Mekkimaru blades in turn before assuming her ready stance. Cervantes' confident grin vanished like a candle in a sea gale, to be replaced by a decidedly un-pirate-like pout.  
  
"Woman, you have no concept of how much I hate you," he said glumly.  
  
(Author's Note: In the prologue to Soul Calibur, it was revealed that Sophitia destroyed the smaller of the two blades called Soul Edge. Taki then showed up and beat Cervantes, saving Sophie's life.) 


	19. Edge Master

EDGE MASTER  
  
After many grueling battles, the Edge Master faced his pupil Kilik.  
  
"Master!" Kilik said with surprise. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"You must face one final test, pupil," Edge Master said. "Prepare your soul."  
  
Kilik felt equal to any test the Edge Master could summon. He'd fought axe- wielding monsters and sword-swinging lizardmen. He'd sparred innumerable times with Maxi (God rest his dandy soul) and Xianghua. He'd beaten a painted ninja girl (well, that outfit sure looked like paint), knights with big ol' swords, demon monsters and even that scruffy, scrubby Japanese swordsman with a tricky right foot.  
  
"I'm ready, master," Kilik said confidently. "Come with any style!"  
  
"Ready, are you?" the Edge Master smiled. Then the smile vanished as a bright green glow began to suffuse his body. Kilik had to shield his eyes, but, squinting, he thought he saw his master...changing. The old man's hairline was receding at a unnaturally rapid pace, revealing a mighty, crudely stitched scar that directly bisected his skull. His hair had turned from white to bright red. Even his clothing had changed, from his normal white pantaloons and shining chestplate armor to a dark brown coverall and black plate.  
  
"Master," Kilik said breathlessly. "What's happened to your body?"  
  
"Kilik, my boy," Edge Master said, "The key to controlling the evil within is to use the evil."  
  
"That's ridiculous!" Kilik yelled. "The wielder of the Soul Edge thought the same way, but it always leads to pain and bondage in the en--"  
  
Kilik stopped, stunned at a sudden realization. His western quest for his awakened destiny had heightened his awareness of things in the spirit realm. He'd had to notice these things when his Evil Seed infection had surged, even threatening to overwhelm the Dvrapa-Yuga he once wore on his shoulder.  
  
And now he was noticing an evil spirit in his former master, currently manifesting itself as an evil green glow underneath a shoulder plate. Something old and foul, from another dimension and era and somehow moved backward in time onto this stage of history...  
  
And suddenly, Kilik knew its name.  
  
Kilik gasped. "The changing styles...the morphing weapons...and now the morphing body...yes, it all adds up!  
  
"You're...SHANG TSUNG!" Kilik declared boldly.  
  
Edge Master was surprised for a brief moment but quickly recovered, laughing malevolently.  
  
"Very good, pupil. It is indeed I, the one, true patron of mortal combat and the ORIGINAL TAKER OF SOULS! GIVE ME YOURS! KYAAHH!"  
  
(Author's note: In his opening direction segment, I noticed a green glow underneath 2P EM's shoulder. I was immediately intrigued by this, since the redbeard version is supposed to be his evil side. Then I recalled that Shang Tsung's "Soul-Stealer" fatality in Mortal Kombat 2 involved glowing green energy...and the fic then wrote itself. :) 


	20. Hwang, the next chapter

HWANG, the next chapter  
  
After long travels and many grueling battles, Hwang found MiNa.  
  
"Hwang!" MiNa said, surprised to see the famous patriot of her homeland. "What are you doing here? (As if I couldn't guess)," she muttered under her breath.  
  
"I seek the sword of salvation," Hwang said. "I had to abandon my quest three years ago to defend our nation from marauding Japanese dogs. I do not wish to give up the quest again, but I have another charge; to return you safely back to your home."  
  
MiNa, he saw, reacted to his statement with characteristic anger. But he sensed a greater air of assurance about the girl. She had not been idle during her travels, but had probably trained harder than ever. As Hwang drew nearer, he finally got a good view of MiNa. Her mode of dress had also changed somewhat over the past three years. Instead of the gaudily colorful, almost frilly skirt and tied-top she'd once worn, she now sported a more pragmatic battle dress. The sole nod to her old fashion style was a bright yellow kerchief that framed her garment's neckline. The sight of that neckline, heaving with her angry breathing, made Hwang stop and blink.  
  
"MiNa...you...you've grown..." Hwang said incredulously.  
  
"Huh?" MiNa said. She'd expected a lecture, not a compliment.  
  
Hwang flushed and looked away. He'd spoken out loud without realizing it, so stunned was he.  
  
MiNa had cleavage -- another heave of her chest confirmed it. Mentally, he compared the relatively flat-chested girl of three years ago with the buxom MiNa before him now. And on the heels of that thought came another.  
  
[Her father *wants* me to marry her.] This had often been a distracting thought during his training and service on the Coastal Defense Force. He'd had no interest in the girl or in anything other than protecting the helpless. But now he welcomed the idea.  
  
[Those legs could be all mine.]  
  
"You are truly a woman now," he continued exultantly. "I don't know how I didn't see it before."  
  
"Well," MiNa said, smiling and blushing a bit, "I have shown my independence, haven't I?"  
  
She smiled at me, Hwang thought. He felt he might faint. But no, he had to steel his resolve to take the course of action he now knew he must follow.  
  
"Hwang?" MiNa said with pleasant concern. "Are you okay?"  
  
"I..." Hwang said, looking at his feet. Suddenly he rushed forward and knelt on one knee before a shocked MiNa. He stared at her cleavage (now at eye level) for a long, salivating second before blushing hot and bowing his head.  
  
"MiNa! Marry me!"  
  
"Ehhhhhhh?" she shrieked like the screaming teenager she was. She drew back.  
  
"I want you to be my wife!" Hwang exulted. "I want to have you to come back to after grueling battles in defense of our homeland. I long to fiercely entangle myself in you. You have blossomed into the very Heart and Soul Girl that many a Burning Patriot longs for!"  
  
"Hwang!" MiNa said angrily. "I am an independent woman! I'm not marrying you or anyone!"  
  
Hwang's eyes burned, but he maintained his composure and spoke with a steel tone. "MiNa! You must choose a suitor. Your father has decreed it. It is your destiny.  
  
"Join me, and together we can raise half a dozen kids as husband and wife!" Hwang extended an inviting hand.  
  
"You're crazy if you think that warmed-over Star Wars movie line is gonna convince me," MiNa said. "Me, barefoot, pregged up and suckling brat after brat, year after year? I don't think so--"  
  
Hwang didn't hear the rest of her tirade, consumed as he was by a vivid, mouth-watering daydream of himself suckling one of those magnificent teats.  
  
"Seung MiNa!" Hwang said, crying tears of desire for the girl. "I will make you 'Sung Kyung MiNa' or die trying! Have at you!"  
  
(Author's note: Seung Mina was the most boobless, jiggle-free videogame gal in the world of fighting games in her debut in Soul Edge. She grew up some in SC. But in fact, she's still the most realistically proportioned of the cast. In fact, it actually looks like she might be rocking some 16th- century Wonderbra gear. Oh well, whatever works. ) 


	21. Ivy, the next chapter

IVY, the next chapter  
  
After many grueling battles, Ivy at last faced the end of her unholy quest -- the port of the Adrian and the lair of the resurrected pirate Cervantes.  
  
Cervantes regarded the tall woman curiously. Something was strange about her, and it wasn't just her outlandish mode of dress. And Cervantes felt a strange emotion himself. He couldn't place it, but something about the woman seemed...familiar. And yet he was certain he'd never seen her before.  
  
At last Ivy stopped about ten paces away from the undead pirate. Her emotions swirled beneath her icily calm exterior. Cervantes seemed just as grand, powerful and mad as his reputation had suggested. And she began to understand herself better.  
  
[I used to wonder why I was so different from Father,] she thought, remembering her beloved Count Valentine, the man who'd raised her. [Now I at last see why.]  
  
Suddenly Ivy felt a wave of peaceful exultation, like none she'd known since before Count Valentine had fallen into madness. So many questions rose in her mind, but all dissolved with the unexpected joy at finding her true heritage at last. Part of her wanted to drop her sword and embrace Cervantes.  
  
"My goodness," Cervantes said abruptly. "You are one fine piece of wench."  
  
Ivy did drop her sword now. "W-what?" she said softly.  
  
"I said, 'you're hot,' in so many words!" Cervantes said, running his eyes hungrily up and down Ivy's body. "I haven't been this turned on in almost 30 years. Come with me to my captain's quarters so I can swab that poopdeck."  
  
Ivy's jaw dropped in open shock. "Y-you...can't be serious. You--" She was interrupted by the pirate's rough hand flashing out to grip her upper arm tightly and drawing her closer.  
  
"C'mon, my beauty, don't make a sailor wait no longer after a long voyage in the afterworld -- "  
  
"But-- you can't just --"  
  
"Oh, of course, silly me," Cervantes said, chuckling. With his free hand, he pulled out a small purse that jingled with the sound of gold. "How much?"  
  
Ivy was completely bewildered now. "What?"  
  
"Are ye deaf, woman? How much will it be?"  
  
With a frenzied strength, Ivy wrenched her arm free and staggered back a few paces. Her normally pale cheeks (both sets) flushed pink with enraged embarrassment.  
  
"You--YOU--" she sputtered, "I'M YOUR DAUGHTER, YOU FILTH!"  
  
Cervantes froze with shock. "No," he said, almost whining. "No, that's not true. That's impossible!"  
  
"Search your feelings," Ivy said. "and you'll see it's true!"  
  
Cervantes had a flash of sudden recognition. So that was it; but for the silver hair, this woman looked exactly like that tavern dancer he'd fallen so hard for almost 30 years ago. And now, he sensed the aura of Soul Edge about this woman. It was in her very blood, a bit of which had been drawn when she'd pulled from his grasp. Yes, incredible as it seemed, his flesh- and-blood stood before him now, all in a huff because he'd mistaken her for a common whore.  
  
"Um, I, I didn't know, you..." the pirate began. "I guess we have a lot of catching up to do. Heh heh heh," he said, scratching his head underneath his captain's hat.  
  
"Oh, indeed we do," Ivy spat, all her warm and fuzzy feelings snuffed out by Cervantes' libido. "Like about where you've been for the past 28 years of my life."  
  
"Uh?" Cervantes grunted.  
  
"Look at me! I obviously have issues based on abandonment."  
  
"I wouldn't say that--"  
  
"Don't try to minimize my pain! This is all your fault!"  
  
"Don't take that tone with me, young lady!"  
  
"You're not my daddy! You're just a sperm donor! I hate you!"  
  
"Girl, I brought you in this world and I'll take you right out of it, too!"  
  
As they assumed fighting stances, Ivy ruefully thought, [Some reunion this turned out to be...]  
  
  
  
(Author's note: This would be funnier if I'd done it as a "Springer" episode:  
  
JERRY: So as a marauding, possessed pirate, I guess you did some rape and pillage, Mr. De Leon?  
  
CERVANTES: More pillage than rape. Ain't no mon-nay in chasin' hon-nay, knowhutimsayin'? Child support and [boooop]. Naw, [boooop] dat.  
  
JERRY: Well, speaking of that, we have a surprise for you. You have an adult daughter, Ivy, backstage. C'mon out, Ivy!  
  
(Ivy storms out in full 1P costuming)  
  
AUDIENCE: Woooooooooooot!  
  
CERVANTES: I ain't got no [booooooooooop] daughter!  
  
IVY: Yeah, [Booooooooop]! You do too got one, [booooooop]! (lunges for Cervantes, is restrained by bouncer)  
  
CERVANTES: B***h, WHAT? I'll [boooop] you the [booop] up! (stands up, restrained by bouncer)  
  
AUDIENCE: JER-RY! JER-RY! JER-RY!  
  
… buuuuut, I think it's better that I didn't.) 


	22. Kilik, the next chapter

KILIK, the next chapter  
  
After many grueling battles, Kilik returned to the Proving Grounds to face the Edge Master.  
  
"Kilik, my boy!" Edge Master said gleefully. "I see you have grown strong!"  
  
Kilik said nothing, but only strode into the ring.  
  
"But I also see that you yet bear the Dvrapa-Yuga," Edge Master said with disapproval, noting the mirrored bandolier resting on his student's shoulder. "Your quest is not yet completed."  
  
Kilik avoided the elder man's intent gaze. "I am not yet ready to face my awakened destiny, master. There is something yet unfinished."  
  
"That something is the fact that the Soul Edge continues to wreak havoc," the old master explained. "Why do you hesitate?"  
  
"I still have questions, master. Troubling ones," Kilik said, his eyes still cast aside. "For example, I still do not understand why--"  
  
"I told you, boy," the Edge Master broke in, "your answers lie in the completion of the quest."  
  
At that, Kilik's gaze locked onto his master's. "Yes, the Quest. The quest to deal with the evil Soul Edge. You keep telling me of the havoc this weapon wreaks. You also told me that my own Kali-Yuga rod has also become a instrument of disaster, should it ever be separated from me.  
  
"But why have you sent me, of all people, to deal with this Soul Edge? Without this," he rapped on the Dvrapa-Yuga on his shoulder, "I'm as much a terror as this 'Naito-meah' who wields the Soul Edge!"  
  
Edge Master sighed. The boy was not yet a man complete. "You still have much to learn, my young Padaw--er, apprentice."  
  
"And whose fault is that?" Kilik said, pointing his rod at the old warrior. "You're the Edge Master! You taught me everything I know! Maybe you're the problem here.  
  
"In fact, maybe you ought to give this whole immortal master thing up," Kilik mused. "Pick up a new career, like, I don't know, like delivering toys to the children of the world." Kilik recalled his toyless childhood while being raised by the austere monks of the Ling Sheng Su temple.  
  
"What kind of nonsense are you talking?" Edge Master said, approaching the rebellious youth. "You want me to teach you another lesson?"  
  
"That's *my* line!" Kilik shouted. Without warning, he almost simultaneously kicked and struck Edge Master with Kali-Yuga right in the face, sending the old warrior tumbling back head over heels.  
  
"I've had enough of your 'lessons,' old man," Kilik snarled. "The endless exercises, countless beatdowns, chores designed to break me...oh, NO. Payback, fool!"  
  
Edge Master struggled to his feet, a bit dazed by the sucker punch. "Kilik..." he began.  
  
"Shut up!" Kilik sidestepped and swung the rod in a wide circle, striking the old master in the back. The Edge Master tumbled again.  
  
"That's for the 'correction' you so loved to administer when I dared to ask you a question," Kilik said, tapping his rod on the ground with a victorious sneer.  
  
[And that's your last free hit, you little punk,] Edge Master thought as he instantly morphed his weapon into an unusual whip-sword, arcing it toward his student's ankles to trip him up and talk some sense into the impertinent little ass.  
  
But Kilik wasn't there. He'd leapt into the air, coming down hard with the iron rod.  
  
"And that," Kilik growled, " is for all those sucker punches you called 'special awareness training' on the Proving Grounds pools!"  
  
[Idiot,] Edge Master thought both of himself and Kilik. "Without that training, you'd never have gotten away with that move!"  
  
"Oh, I guess I ought to 'thank' you properly," Kilik said, throwing him back to the ground, with a massive ground hit added for good measure.  
  
The Edge Master grimaced with the blows while seriously contemplating the idea of performing charity toward children (maybe once every year around his birthday). It'd sure beat dealing with ingrate students every century or so.  
  
[I am too damn old for this crap,] he thought.  
  
(Author's Note: Edge Master birthday is Jan. 1.) 


	23. Inferno

INFERNO  
  
After grueling battle of wills, Inferno emerged from the Soul Edge to face Nightmare. The dark knight was shocked to see the spirit, glowing with a cold blue light.  
  
"Hey!" Nightmare said. "Get back in here!"  
  
"Can't make me," Inferno said, wishing it had a tongue to stick out at the dark knight.  
  
"OBEY YOUR MASTER!" Nightmare roared.  
  
"Waaaaaait a minute," Inferno said, crossing its forearms. "My 'Master?' WHO's been completely in the thrall of Soul Edge these three years?"  
  
Nightmare paused; he was all too aware of the compelling power of the flaming spirit of Soul Edge. It burned as if it were a raging fire right behind his eyeballs; it tormented and burned his soul. Yet he had never completely abandoned his own purposes and plans in favor of the demon's dark will. He, not Soul Edge, was in control.  
  
"Soul Edge is my tool," Nightmare said. "I have a resurrection to perform. Now get back in the sword!"  
  
Inferno began to laugh (and it was a truly disgusting sound).  
  
"Soul Edge, your tool? It is to laugh!" Inferno crossed its arms arrogantly. "Everything you have done has been by my permission. You have no will of your own!"  
  
As if to prove its point, Inferno flexed its right hand. Simultaneously, Nightmare's own deformed right hand spasmed and dropped the massive Soul Edge.  
  
"W-what?" Nightmare said. His crimson eyes widened as his own right hand closed around his helmeted head and squeezed. Incredibly, the iron actually began to buckle.  
  
"You see?" Inferno exulted as Nightmare struggled with his free arm. "You are but my sock puppet; my plaything!" He released his control. Nightmare toppled to the ground, hurling his helmet off and panting with terror and rage.  
  
"I'll be taking Soul Edge now," Inferno said as it strode confidently to the demon blade. Nightmare carefully watched the evil being with each step it took. It seemed to shimmer as if reflecting some sort of unearthly icy blue fire.  
  
[It does not burn,] he thought, sudden insight flooding his mind's eye like wildfire. [It...shimmers. It shimmers!]  
  
"W-wait," Nightmare croaked, struggling to his feet.  
  
Inferno turned impatiently a step away from reaching Soul Edge. "What is it now, puppet?"  
  
Nightmare stood up straighter. "That was a nice trick with my arm. But I see you are but an impostor."  
  
" Insolence!" Inferno cried. It flexed its hand, attempting to seize control of Nightmare's arm again. But the ever-present fire in the hollow of Nightmare's soul burned hot as ever, incinerating Inferno's attempt at possession.  
  
"SOUL EDGE, TO ME!" Nightmare bellowed. The huge evil blade flew into his horrible grasp. The fullness of Soul Edge's power flooded him with insight beyond his knowledge. "The true Inferno burns within me. It is a consuming fire with pretensions of godhood. You are but a weak polygonal manifestation of the Inferno created for the purpose of human competition (for lack of processing power, apparently). YOU are the true plaything, 'Inferno!'"  
  
The evil spirit snarled with frustrated rage. He began a retort, but all that came out was more snarling. With Nightmare now again fully in touch with the Inferno inside, this Inferno manifestation had lost the ability to speak!  
  
Well, the time for talk and guile was over anyhow. Inferno would have to take over Soul Edge by force. It concentrated and formed a replica of Soul Edge from the earth under their feet. Time to fight...  
  
(Author's Note: Apparentely, the Dreamcast couldn't do a playable version of the Inferno boss without making some changes. Thus we get the shiny versions instead of the flaming one, which inspired this fic.) 


End file.
